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The race is on, sort of

It’s Tuesday morning and I was all ready to begin this column with lyrics from an old George Jones song, “The Race is on and here comes pride up the backstrectch.” Jones’ song was about heartache and it’s one of my favorites, but my column was going to be about the 2020 Presidential race and its opening act, the Iowa Caucus.

Certainly, there’s been no presidency like the current one and, for many of you, the last thing you might want to read about is politics. I get tired of politics, too. It seems that we go from one controversy to the next.  If we think about what’s happened in just the last few weeks, even the last few days, there would be enough fodder to feed the cattle on a thousand hills.

The kick-off to the quadrennial presidential race has been the Iowa caucus, whatever it is. When the television ‘know it alls” try to explain how it works, I get about as confused as I did last week snoozing over the impeachment proceedings.

Still, they make it sound like we just can’t have a presidential race without the Iowa caucus, so I’m ready to sing The Race is On early Tuesday morning as I drink my coffee and read the news. Then, I hear that the results are not available because of some technical glitch. I think, “What?”

It’s 2020 and we’ve got all sorts of apps to help us with everything we do. Apps, I guess, are those “applications” we put on our cell phones that enable us to order our food before we get to the drive-in window. Which reminds me of the time Donna Sue wanted to use her app to order a Junior Whopper. She would save a quarter if she used the app.

We get up to the window and the nice person who is working can’t figure out how to get her Junior Whopper. She says, “What’s your number?”

I’m driving and I say, “I don’t know about any number.” I look at Donna Sue and neither does she.

Long story short. I have to drive around and go inside to get her Junior Whopper. So much for the convenience of a modern day app. Makes me want to holler!

Back to the Iowa caucus. Somehow, the app that was supposed to make the resulting caucusing so much more immediate and accurate didn’t work. Instead of waking up to the score, the first thing I see and hear are the television folks talking about a “failure to communicate,” as Cool Hand Luke might have put it. Anybody remember Cool Hand Luke?

But don’t worry about the apps. They’re going to go down the paper trail and get to the results the old-fashioned way.

And the winner is…”We don’t know, yet.” I read one report that it might be after the New Hampshire primary, which is next Tuesday. That means that “errbody” can head to New England claiming victory.

Meanwhile, the current president will give the State of the Union address tonight although he is still under the cloud of impeachment. President Trump will be exonerated, a word he really likes, by the Senate on Wednesday.

On Tuesday, though, he is introduced to the combined Congress to give his State of the Union. Guess who will introduce the president? The Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, the one who led her side of the aisle to bring forth the articles of impeachment. Can you say, “Chilly?” I fully expect a little ice to be on the gavel Speaker Pelosi uses. And the President? Just keep it classy, Mr. President.

Yeah, right! Can’t make this up, folks.