You deserve a laugh today

Published 3:39 pm Tuesday, August 28, 2018

Merle Haggard song was entitled, “Things Aren’t Funny Anymore.” It does seem hard these days to laugh but perhaps these silly jokes will help.

We all know that if the outside door is left open for just a nanosecond, flies just fly on in. I guess that’s why they’re called flies.

How many of us have grabbed any magazine or newspaper we can find and try to commit mayhem on that intruding fly? A fly was buzzing around a dad one day and he asked his daughter to bring him his newspaper.

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“Oh Dad,” she said, “Newspapers are so old-fashioned. Everyone uses an iPad these days” and she handed him her iPad. The fly didn’t have a chance! Neither did the iPad.

Speaking of things funny, have you seen how much people are glued to their cellphones these days. If they’re not talking on them, they’re writing messages back and forth and it’s amazing how quickly those two thumbs can find the right letters.

It’s known as texting and uses acronyms a lot. For instance LOL means “laugh out loud” or “lots of love,” depending on the context. Personally, I like to text, but instead of two thumbs and fast, I’m a one-finger guy and pretty slow.

I don’t know much of that text language. I would be like the mom who texted her son. She asked “Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?” He texts back, “I Don’t Know, Love You, & Talk to You Later.” The mom texts him, “It’s ok, don’t worry about it. I’ll ask your sister, love you too.”

A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he’s topping 100 mph. The man eventually realizes he can’t escape and pulls over. The cop approaches the car and says, “It’s been a long day and my shift is almost over. If you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I’ll let you go.” The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, “My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!”

I read this story and it is purported to be true, but I have my doubts.

George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, was getting in bed and his wife told him that he had left the light on in the shed.

When he went out to the shed he saw burglars who were stealing the contents of the shed. He immediately called the police and they asked, “Is anyone in your house?”

Phillips said, “No,” and the police advised him to lock his doors, that all the officers were busy, and they could get there in about thirty minutes. He hung up and called the police right back.

“Don’t worry about my last call,” George Phillips told the police, “I’ve just shot the burglars.”

Within two minutes three police cars and officers were at his house and they caught the burglars. After it was over, one of the policemen said, “I thought you said you had shot the burglars.”

Phillips replied, “Yeah, and I thought you said there were no policemen available.”

One more for the road.

There’s a blond and a brunette in a car. The brunette is driving while the blonde is in the passenger seat. They’re going down a steep hill when the brunette realizes that the brakes don’t work. The brunette tells the blonde that the brakes don’t work and they will drive off the side of the cliff because they failed to stop. The blonde then replies, “Don’t worry! There’s a stop sign ahead.”

Remember to laugh when you can.