Write myself a memo

Published 4:23 pm Tuesday, February 6, 2018

Have you heard about the memo? It’s old news now, but last week it was all the rave. One party wrote such a good one, the other party had to write one too. The excitement for a few days was not that a memo had been written, but the question of whether the memo should be released. What good is a memo if it’s not released is what I say.

I think I’m “gonna” sit right down and write myself a memo. If Congress can write memos, so can I.

It’s going to be all about me. Everything I can think about. All my past. All my family. All my dreams. All my faults. I’ll have to think pretty hard about that last part.

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Then, after it’s written, I’ll make a decision as to whether I will release it. There probably won’t be as much hullaballoo as to whether I release my memo as the ones Congress wrote, but perhaps someone will want to read it.

I’m going to write about all the skeletons in my closet. They’ve been rattling around long enough. The world just has to hear about Uncle Joe and his fourteen girlfriends. Or better yet, what happened when Aunt Bertha found out about them. It took three doctors to sew Uncle Joe up. I’ll put that in memo form.

I won’t sugar coat anything. All the perfections of my life will be duly noted and contrasted with the mistakes of my brother and sister. They may not like my memo, but the world deserves to know how much I have meant to my family.

Let’s see what else I can include. How about all the hard work I did as a boy? I may have to exaggerate somewhat on that part, but I’ll be creative and tell how I was taken to the field at age five and told to chop that cotton and pull those weeds.    

My memo is going to tell it all; even that night when the police came. I won’t tell you about that now. You’ll have to read about it in the memo. I’m going to come clean about all my escapades in Nashville when I was footloose and fancy free. That will take a lot of soap and scrubbing to come clean.

I may include the reasons I don’t sleep some nights. What keeps me up? Or perhaps my memo will tell about all the help I provide Donna Sue with housekeeping chores. That will be a short paragraph. Read all about it as the newspaper boy shouts. If it is released.

There’s a little voice on one shoulder that tells me that releasing the memo will be good for my soul. The little voice says, “Don’t hold back. The truth will set you free.” It may get you in trouble with the names that are included and there may be some redactions necessary.

Redaction is just a fancy word for editing and that means I can’t tell you who did what and when. Instead of Uncle Joe and Aunt Bertha, I’ll just say “someone had fourteen girlfriends and someone found out and cut him up.” Instead of naming my brother and sister, I’ll just say male and female siblings.

There is another voice on the other shoulder. It is against releasing the memo. That voice says, “Are you crazy? Do you want to endanger your personal security? And besides, it would probably be called a nothing-burger.”

Too bad I’m not as important or interesting as Congress. I fear no one is going to beat the drum and say, “Release the memo.”