Special glasses needed for this column

Published 4:26 pm Tuesday, August 22, 2017

Warning! This column is going to be so amazingly brilliant and contain such enlightening ideas, don’t try reading it unless you have your special, solar filter, “super-duper” eclipse glasses. If you have thrown yours away (I don’t know why; they are so stylish), go to the kitchen and get the cheese grater that you make pimento cheese with and look through it as you enjoy this once-in-a-lifetime experience

  Question. Can any nation hold a candle to the United States of America when it comes to making a scientific phenomenon the craziest thing?  By the way, I prepared for the event by wearing my most appropriate underwear. What kind? Fruit of the Moon.

  Donna Sue and I were traveling as the total eclipse was nearest Bainbridge. I didn’t have any of those glasses, but someone who said he had seen enough let me borrow his. I looked at the sun and it was interesting to say the most. When I saw it, there was just a sliver of the sun showing; sort of like the moon when it is at quarter full.

Email newsletter signup

The total eclipse garnered the nation’s interest. One of my couples at the Mitchell County church I serve has a house in Franklin, North Carolina. The normal population is about 4000. Franklin was one of those little towns that was supposed to experience “totality.”

My friends told me that the town was expecting about 100,000 people to be coming to stay and enjoy the scene. The only thing I asked when I texted them was “Has the town reached totality as far as craziness?” Imagine our fair city suddenly, and for a day or three, having 100,000 gawkers looking up at the sun. Sometimes I get frustrated at the length of time I have to wait at the railroad tracks or for all the school buses at 3:15 in the afternoon. It would be “Bikefest times 10.”

  Oh, I forgot to ask. Why did the sun not go to college? Because it already has a million degrees! There was one thing that confused me. I know that the sun rises in the east and sets in the west. I always thought that they eclipse would happen from right to left. In other words, it would start on our eastern coast and the progression would be from the east to the west. As we know, it began on the west coast in Oregon. The Weather Channel (TWC) was all over it. I would imagine TWC is opposite from most of us. Most people don’t like tornadoes, hurricanes, and destructive weather. I’m sure TWC doesn’t either, but let one of those hurricanes begin to build and they are all over it.  This total eclipse gave TWC a chance to follow a “good” story and they followed all the way from Madras, Oregon, to the Atlantic beaches of South Carolina. Since every other weather phenomena is named, I wondered why they didn’t name this one. They could have called it “Moona Lisa.”  The total eclipse is over and the next one is in 2024. That’s not too far away, but it will not be one to travel across the United States. Its path will be from Texas to Maine. I hope I’m around then and I might even get a chance to travel to a place where I can enjoy “totality.   If I don’t, that’ll be okay, too. Come to think about it, I will be satisfied if I never see the moon cover up the sun. But I would like a chance at getting a pair of those “super-duper” glasses. And a moon pie!