Finally a worthy house committee
Published 5:54 pm Tuesday, December 9, 2014
I can find something funny even in things that are not meant to be humorous. Sometimes I have the television on, but the sound off. That’s not the funny part. In fact, that’s a pretty good way to find some sense in television.
On this morning, I was watching the news, but not listening. I figured out what they were talking about by reading the crawler that runs along the bottom of the screen. It usually tells something about the story that is being reported or about the next story coming up.
The crawler read: “House Committee Investigates Airbags.” What would you think? The story was actually going to be about that Japanese corporation that produces the protective airbags that go into our steering wheels and inflate immediately upon a crash. They are supposed to save lives and they do.
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Recently, though, this particular brand of airbag has been found to be defective and there is the suspicion that harm could come instead of safety. So our Congress, instead of doing something important like passing the first budget in a “coon’s age,” decides that it needs to do something about airbags. So in their never-ending quest to help the republic, they call for a committee hearing.
A comedian from the last century, Fred Allen, said that “a committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done.”
Another old-time comedian, Milton Berle, said “a committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.”
I try to do right, but if for some reason, I failed and was found guilty of anything, I do not want a judge and a jury. That may result in some kind of finding that would affect my life. No, I will ask for a House Committee investigation. There is hardly any chance that a House Committee will ever do anything that affects my life.
When I saw the announcement “House Committee Investigates Airbags,” I immediately wondered, “Which airbags are they going to investigate?” The Lord knows there are plenty of windbags or airbags in Congress to investigate. How would a committee know where to start or which airbag to investigate?
Since both Democrats and Republicans are guilty of “airbagging” or talking too much, would they first take a look at Nancy Pelosi or John Boehner?
Here’s another question. Why would we want to limit the investigation to just the Congressional airbags? What about the Legislative Branch? I know of a few, one in particular, that has plenty of air to spare.
I see no reason to let anyone in Washington off the hook; except, of course for the element of time. Once we open this can of worms; investigating the airbags of Washington, there’s no telling where it will lead. The investigation could lead to other states and cities or other professions. Why, it could even lead to preachers! Oh, no!
Of course one thing that we have in our favor when it comes to a House Committee investigation is that it will lead nowhere. Someone said that the camel is a result of a committee meeting to discuss the design of a better kind of horse.
In the end I think that it is very appropriate for the House to create a committee to investigate airbags. After all, there are plenty from which to choose.