Poster child for plastic surgery

Published 2:41 pm Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Make no mistake about it, Libyan leader Moammar Gadaffi is no angel.

He’s a brutal dictator who has no compunction or conscience when it comes to murdering his own people or the people of other nations. One could read a thousand stories about him and find hardly a wisp of anything light-hearted.

Yet, I found one headline the other day that caused me to snicker and search further as to what it might say. The headline was in The Atlanta Journal-Constitution. It read “Gadhafi a Fan of Plastic Surgery, Hamburgers.” My inquiring mind wanted to know more!

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Plastic surgery’s goal is usually to make someone look more beautiful or handsome. Have you seen the pictures of Colonel Gadaffi? Cosmetic Surgery Magazine is one of the trade publications for plastic surgery, but I have yet to see the Libyan dictator’s picture on the cover.

That would be akin to having actor Charlie Sheen on the cover of Psychology Today. Underneath Sheen’s photo might be a tease for the inside scoop, “How Meds Helped Me Win Friends and Influence People.”

If not on the cover of some plastic surgery magazine, what kind of publication would be appropriate for the Dean of Middle East leadership? Oh, by the way, according to Time magazine, a report from ABC News in 2009 stated that there were 112 ways to spell Gaddafi’s last name. You were probably wondering about that.

The dictator’s sense of fashion might land him a place on some trend-setting magazine for men’s fashions, like GQ. But then again, it might not. Have you noticed the army uniform, heavily decorated, that he wears? I cannot say this with absolute assurance, but it sure looks like the one the late Michael Jackson had.

I also don’t think I have ever seen a picture of the colonel without a hat. He would be a shoo-in for at least a one month shot on the cover of The Hat Magazine. There really is a magazine by that name, and it is for the advancement of the wearing of hats, naturally.

Mr. Moammar loves hats and the magazine may think about him as they go to print. My favorite hat, so far, that he has worn was the aviator/bomber hat that he was wearing during the early days of the current conflict. He was seen getting out of his vehicle with the “mad bomber” hat on his head while his head was under an umbrella. Sartorial splendor at its height!

Here is another cover photo possibility for Colonel Gaddafi. There is a magazine that heralds the popularity of the fast food industry. Its name is QSR. That stands for Quick Service Restaurant.

The Brazilian plastic surgeon who was called to make the Libyan leader more handsome says that the colonel would only allow a local anesthetic to be used. He wanted to remain alert as fat from his stomach was transferred via injection into his face. Sounds quite enticing.

During the surgery, Gaddafi became hungry and stopped all the procedures while he ordered and ate a hamburger. I think anyone who would eat a hamburger during surgery would be a great cover story for a fast food magazine, don’t you?

Then there is Military Times, the magazine that covers all things military. I’ve already mentioned those uniforms he likes to wear and he is a colonel, so his 40-year sojourn in the military might warrant a cover shot for Military Times.

One question comes to mind, though. Why hasn’t he been promoted? One would think that as the sole, absolute authority in the country for 40 years, he would have made general by now. He’s been Colonel Gaddafi for all these years. It could be something in his mental state.

Some people think he’s mad, not the angry kind of mad, but the crazy kind. I’m shocked that people would think that, but if he is, maybe the perfect magazine for Gaddafi is Mad Magazine. They could paint that character known as Alfred E. Neuman, the guy with the big ears and gap-toothed smile, to look like Colonel Moammar Gaddafi.

All it would take would be some baggy eyes hidden by sun glasses, a few pockmarks, a scruffy and thick mustache and a mad bomber aviator hat.

President Obama has another magazine that would be perfect for showing the dictator’s picture on the cover. It’s called Gone Magazine. Once again, this is a real magazine. It’s advertised as an arts and culture magazine for those on the fringe. I think we can all agree that this guy is on the fringe and just about everyone would like for him to be gone.

I started out today looking for a few funny ways to think about Gaddafi. Unfortunately, he’s not a magazine character and he’s not too funny. I don’t know exactly what to do about leaders like him. I guess I might say that is above my pay grade.

I just hope it is not above the pay grade of the fellow who is getting paid to make the decisions as to what we do.

The Rev. Lynn Roberts is pastor of the Sutton Chapel United Methodist Church, located on Vada Highway.