A Winning Campaign Speech (You’ll Never Hear)

Published 12:00 pm Sunday, May 26, 2024

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I don’t mean to put words in someone’s mouth, particularly someone who is running for president. I could and would, but you’ll never hear this campaign speech.

First the background. A few weeks ago, our Vice President used a profane word that was uncalled for and offensive. I’m not going to write the word here, but believe me, it was hard to imagine a Vice President using the word during a televised interview. Even worse, after she said it, she laughed about it.

Unfortunately, our nation has gotten used to that word being said. Just a few years ago, not only would you never have heard that word being used, if it accidentally slipped out, media of all kinds would have censored it. The crass word is, now, commonly used and many entertainers, sports figures, politicians, and regular folks could undergo the old-timey punishment of having their mouths washed out with soap.

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There is an old saying that if you are not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem. It’s time for our nation to clean up its language and it should start at the top.

Here is the winning campaign speech that I would write for a presidential candidate, but don’t get your hopes up that you will hear it.

“My fellow Americans, it has been said that I never apologize and that I always think I am right. Tonight, I am going to surprise you by telling you I am sorry and that I have been wrong. But before I do, I want you to know that I am not going soft on you. You can count on my resolve to work just as hard as ever to defeat the other side. That’s the only approach I know.

I have not been successful in the businesses that I have chosen by being kind and gentle. That way would not have worked, but there are a few things that I can do better. I can choose my words in a better way.

My hard-nosed approach at life has put me in some tough situations and I have had to make hard decisions and  use words that my mother did not teach me. I may have gone to fine schools, but the School of Hard Knocks has led me to express myself in ways that I did not learn in Sunday School, if you know what I mean.

I have heard it said that people use swear words because they don’t have the intelligence to get their point across in nicer ways. That may be the case with some people, but not me. Right or wrong, I chose to use locker room language because I thought it was the best way to get my point across.

 In the political rallies that are raucous at times, I get carried away and say things that I want to say, but should not say in the manner in which I say them. I considered it entertaining to talk that way, but I wasn’t a great example for others. Plus, I’m not sure, but it may have cost me more votes than I gained.

Change may not come easily and quickly, but I am going to try to set a better example for this nation. I want to make America great again and even help make the way we talk great again. The coarseness of our culture has gotten out of hand and, although I didn’t mean to, I may have been a contributor.

I hope I haven’t disappointed you as I apologize and admit I have been wrong. I’m going to work hard for you. You can count on that. I just might say it a little differently.”