If Governor can open tattoo parlor, why not my favorite jewelry store?

Published 2:49 pm Friday, May 1, 2020

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No, I cannot tell you why Gov. Brian Kemp decided to open up tattoo parlors and bowling alleys but not my favorite jewelry store where a repaired watch eagerly awaits me. I do know that under his recent order no one is required to open up and even if they do, nobody is required to show up. So let us all take a chill pill and relax.

I am not sure who is advising the governor these days but somebody needs to tell him to improve his communications skills. (I think I saw my hand raised.) The fact he announced the reopening without first alerting the members his coronavirus task force is a case in point.

According to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, six members of the committee found out about the order only after it was announced. Members of the committee include Bernice King, daughter of civil rights leader Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., who said she found out about the reopening via a text message from a friend. That is not good.

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Such is life these days that we find Atlanta Mayor Keisha Lance Bottoms agreeing with Donald Trump on the belief that the governor could have waited a little longer to begin to reopen the state.

Trump paused long enough in his wee-weeing contest with the national media last week to say that he told Gov. Kemp that that he “disagreed, strongly, with his decision to open certain facilities,” saying the state’s coronavirus case numbers don’t meet the threshold needed to reopen under the White House’s guidelines.

Trump said it’s “just too soon” for places like “spas and beauty salons and tattoo parlors and barber shops. I love them, but they can wait a little bit longer.”

I find it interesting that on at least two occasions now, our governor has basically ignored the president’s advice. And, remember, it was the president’s endorsement of Brian Kemp that is widely thought to have propelled him into the governor’s seat. It did not hurt that the presumed favorite, Casey Cagle, developed a fatal case of foot-in-the-mouth disease.

In addition to opening tattoo parlors, et al. against Trump’s advice, there was his decision to appoint soybean queen-cum-gazillionaire Kelly Loeffler to the U.S. Senate, replacing Johnny Isakson, who retired for health reasons. Trump had suggested Gainesville Congressman Doug Collins, one of his most ardent and high-profile defenders during the recent impeachment hearings.

If my mail is any indication, Kemp made the wrong choice. That choice was exacerbated by an ill-advised hatchet job on Collins by some bone-headed special interest group in Washington who thought We the Unwashed were so dumb we would assume that Trump’s chief advocate during the trial was, in fact, a Nancy Pelosi liberal weenie who was soft on crime and an audacious spendthrift.  At least Collins has not had to explain why he was trading stocks right after a private briefing on the COVID-19 pandemic.

An aside: Did you notice that Loeffler announced she and her husband had changed their investment strategy and said they would divest their individual stocks in favor of mutual funds and exchange-traded funds? This was right after her meeting with Figby, my image expert at the Yarbrough Worldwide Media and Pest Control Company, located in Greater Garfield, Georgia. No question, Figby knows what he is talking about. I am still waiting to see if she rides a cow to work as he also suggested.

But while the political battles heat up, let us not forget that we still have the nastiest pandemic in a century with which to deal. We are told the outbreak is leveling off and that the worst may be over but we are not out of the woods by a long shot. And who is to say the virus will not pop up its lethal head later in the year?

In the meantime, if you want to go bowl a couple of frames and show off your latest tattoo, have at it. I, on the other hand, will stay safely in place and focus my efforts on seeking out the humor-impaired wherever they may lurk. And they continue to be as numerous as fleas on a yard dog. You should read my mail.

One humor-impaired soul even intimated that it was I who is humor-impaired. In retrospect, he could be right. If Gov. Kemp can open a tattoo shop but not my favorite jewelry store so that I can get my watch, that’s not a bit funny.