Sorry fellows, I went shopping on Black Friday

Published 3:46 pm Tuesday, November 28, 2017

If the entire year is a marathon, certainly, the last few weeks of the year is a sprint to the finish. The holiday season, which kicks off with Thanksgiving Day, is upon us and it’s off to the races.

I did something this year that I hesitate to mention. I don’t know if I’m proud of myself or embarrassed. I went shopping on Black Friday.

I had not intended to go. I’m not like some whose day after Thanksgiving is set in stone. Getting up early and engaging the mob at just trying to find a parking space isn’t my cup of tea. It’s the same with climbing a tree and sitting in a deer stand at 5:00 in the morning. Not on my bucket list.

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Each to her own it’s been said, whether shopping on Black Friday or deer hunting. Pretty sure my habits of getting up early and being satisfied with a cup of java and reading the sports and news wouldn’t turn too many people on.

It’s just that on this past Friday’s early morning email reading, I saw a big department store’s Day-After-Thanksgiving offerings. “Buy one, get two free.” It depends on what they’re offering, but it happened to be men’s suits. I could use a new suit, I thought. Why not get three for the price of one?

The only problem was that I would have to get up close and personal with a hundred thousand new found friends. At my old age, could I handle it? I could feel that “wild hair” beginning to make its presence felt.

On a whim…I would never go Black Friday shopping, except on a whim. Otherwise, I would have to admit that I actually thought about it before I did it. No, I could not let myself think too much about it. Some strange force took over and I was led to my car. It did not matter that my car would not find a parking place. I was in some kind of trance as I drove to Tallahassee.

At least I did not get up at 5:00 in the morning. I have my pride. I waited until midmorning to go, assuring me that I would have to park in Havana to get a parking place.

I saw these young ladies with eighteen shopping bags heading for their car. I stalked them as a jungle cat. “Are you leaving?” I asked. “Yes,” is all they had to say and suddenly fourteen cars were vying for their spot.

I finally got in the door of the store where the suits were on sale. If you’ve ever kicked an ant hill and observed the activity, that’s what it looked like. It was amazing. I have never seen so much intensity as ladies were ransacking the racks looking for blouses. One lady had three hangars between her teeth as she twirled the rack around. Such talent!

The men’s department was almost empty. I guess all the real men were deer hunting. I asked the Maytag repairman, I mean suit salesman, who looked like the loneliest man in the store, where are the suits? Men don’t shop around; they are equipped with lasers that point them to the one thing they seek.

Wouldn’t you know it, the one I liked wasn’t on sale. I bought it anyway so I could say I had fulfilled my purpose. Then I left. As I was pulling out of my space, a fight broke out. Just kidding, but I assure you, not by much!

Shopping on Black Friday! Sorry men, I plead insanity.