A little election humor now that it’s all over

Published 5:30 pm Tuesday, November 8, 2016

By the time you get around to this, we will all know who our next president is. Whether it is the historic first woman president or her opponent, I feel the need to say, “God bless America, she needs it!”

I am not so unusual a fellow. I’m a common sort of guy and I figure that all of us need a good laugh after this 2016 presidential election. So, I found a few chuckles for myself and would like to share them with you.

Henry VII, a king of England who preceded Henry VIII, said that “the problem with political jokes is that they get elected.” How he knew that all the way back in 1505, I don’t know. Guess we will have to wait until the WikiLeaks from his emails come out. Hope he didn’t delete them.

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This election has been a doozy and there has been more than a little negativity. Adlai Stevenson was the Democrat who had the unfortunate opportunity to run twice against the man who won World War II, Dwight Eisenhower.

Stevenson had the audacity to claim that the opposing campaign was accusing him of lying. Imagine that. He retorted, “I offer my opponents a bargain; if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them.”

If you listen long enough to commercials you will hear one from Ancestry.com. One politician would not waste his time and money researching the skeletons in his family closet. He has a better and more economical way.

“Why pay money to have your family tree traced; just go into politics and let your opponents do it for you.” Can I get an “Amen?”

If I heard it once, I heard it a hundred times that this is a “change election.” I am somewhat apprehensive as to whether anybody’s vote makes a real difference and that apprehension was confirmed by America’s greatest humorist, Mark Twain.

“If voting made any difference, they wouldn’t let us do it.”

Of course, America is the land of the free and brave and we know how to do elections. At least we used to when nothing was used but paper ballots. Nowadays, there is all the talk about hacking and rigged elections. That was not anything new or unusual to the late, Soviet dictator, Joseph Stalin.

Stalin said, “The people who vote decide nothing. The people who count the votes decide everything.” I believe him.

I mentioned change election and I also heard one of the candidates speak of being at a crossroads. Woody Allen said the same thing in his unique and humorous way.

With this election “We stand at a crossroads: One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other leads to total extinction. Let us hope we have the wisdom to make the right choice.” I know exactly how he feels!

Hillary Clinton has been aiming and grooming herself for this presidential run for a long time. Her candidacy was to be expected, but Donald Trump does not seem to be of the same political personality. Although he is a billionaire, which would make him unlike most Americans, he seems to have cast himself as someone with whom most can identify, sort of an “everyman” kind of candidate.

George Carlin, a very funny man, says this about our country’s presidential choices. “In America, anyone can become president and that’s the problem.”

Well now it’s over. At least for this cycle. I said earlier, “God bless America, she needs it.” Maybe I should amend that to “God help America.”

That’s better.