Current drought may require another divine solution

Published 4:46 pm Friday, September 23, 2016

Uh. Oh. Here we go again. I have been told that we are beginning to experience drought conditions in the state. Somebody needs to alert Dr. Gil Watson, the World’s Greatest Preacher. There is no question he can soon have some serious raindrops falling on our heads.

You may remember that the last time we were in a severe drought in Georgia, then-Gov. George E. Perdue had a prayer session at the state capitol and invited Dr. Gil to come pray for rain. I’m not sure why Dr. Gil was selected, but it may have had something to do with the governor’s innovative “Go Fish, Georgia,” program, a $23 million initiative that was created in the middle of a recession and was designed to make Georgia competitive in the 21st Century global marketplace.

I’m a little hazy on the details today, but as near as I can recall the idea was that while India and China were busy turning out engineers and scientists, Georgia would be teaching our next generation of leaders how to catch fish instead.

Email newsletter signup

By teaching a child to fish, we wouldn’t have to teach them anything else and we could lay off public school teachers, which would more than pay for the concrete boat ramps for the ponds. The idea was so cutting-edge, not even India or China could figure out why we were doing this. Neither could I.

If our lakes dried up, it stood to reason that the fish would get upset and not even a visionary like George E. Perdue would be able to coax them into voluntarily biting a sharp barbed hook. Unlike engineers and scientists, fish can be very temperamental.

So Gov. Perdue invited Dr. Gil to come to the Capitol and pray for rain and thereby keep “Go Fish, Georgia” afloat. That was a smart move. It is a known fact that God likes Dr. Gil a lot and is inclined to do whatever he asks. God also likes women preachers and doesn’t like us carrying guns to church, but that is a subject for another day.

A gaggle of atheists got their politically-correct shorts in a wad and protested the fact that someone was going to (gasp!) pray on government property. They shouldn’t have bothered. Another known fact is that God doesn’t pay them any more attention than do the rest of us.

It should come as no surprise that once Dr. Gil Watson, the World’s Greatest Preacher, got through praying, it started raining and soon our lakes and rivers and even Gov. George E. Perdue’s fish ponds were replenished. The farmers were happy. Recreationists were happy. The governor was happy.

Even the fish were happy and I told you how temperamental they can be. The only ones who weren’t happy were the atheists. That is because their politically-correct shorts got seriously mildewed. That made God happy.

Now, it looks like we could be facing another dry spell in Georgia. The decision on what to do about it is now in the hands of Gov. Nathan Deal. Gov. Deal is a devout Baptist but I wouldn’t be surprised if he hasn’t already put Dr. Gil Watson, a card-carrying Methodist, on his speed-dial so he can get this drought over and done with.

That would give the governor more time to concentrate on other matters, such as the upcoming constitutional amendment on Opportunity School Districts. If the amendment is approved by Georgia voters in November, it would allow the state to take control of low-performing schools, which Gov. Deal favors and which almost everybody involved in public education doesn’t.

The governor’s argument is that the status quo isn’t working and something different needs to be done. The opposition’s argument is that if the state would spend more time trying fix the things that are wrong with our society, that would likely fix the things that are wrong with our schools and then we wouldn’t need a constitutional amendment. I think God is going to let us work this one out for ourselves.

If the earthly powers-that-be want a divine solution on how to break this drought, they had better get hold of Dr. Gil Watson, the World’s Greatest Preacher, sooner rather than later. The man has a lot on his plate. For one thing, he is currently spending every waking hours and a few sleepless nights trying to figure out how to make me a kinder and gentler soul. God knows, even the atheists would consider that a miracle.