Donald Trump called me

Published 4:25 pm Tuesday, July 26, 2016

I did not recognize the number on the caller ID. Most of the time, when I don’t recognize the number, I don’t answer, but this time, for some reason, I did. And I’m so glad I did.

It was Donald Trump. Really! Donald Trump called me. I could tell by the voice. Lord knows, I’ve heard it enough for the last year.

Does getting a call from The Donald mean that he knows me? Not necessarily. I have a feeling that you, too, may have gotten or will be getting a call from Mr. Trump.

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I was sort of surprised. I’m sure he doesn’t know me from Adam’s house cat. He didn’t say “Hello, Lynn, this is Donald.” I, myself, said, “Hello,” and, wouldn’t you know it, he just started talking. And he wouldn’t stop. I could not get a word in edgewise, but that didn’t surprise me. He does like the sound of his voice.

Anyway, I decided to listen. The first word out of his mouth was “Hillary.” He went on and on about Hillary. I know that Hillary and Bill were invited to Donald’s third marriage (don’t know about the first and second), so I was sort of surprised that he didn’t have anything good to say about her.

He didn’t call her “crooked,” but obviously, his mother had not taught him the adage “If you can’t say something good about a person, don’t say anything at all.” I guess it has something to do with the contest between the two.

I found out something, though, about that contest between Mr. Trump and Hillary. It costs a lot money. I know that now because Donald Trump asked ME for money. If he would have simply let me, I would have asked him, “Mr. Trump, what did you do with all that money you had last year?”

I was quite surprised. He has touted his bank account from the beginning. Remember how he said he was not just rich, but “very” rich. I think he had mentioned billions of dollars. Yet, now, he was asking me for some of my money, even if it was just the change in my pocket.

I would have explained to Mr. Trump that I was not able to spare a dime, but, he wouldn’t stop talking. Now, I’m a little more than worried about his promise to make America great again.

Of course, The Donald isn’t the only one calling asking for money. It seems that his call has begun a cascade of other people or groups calling for the same reason. They want my money. I guess that’s the purpose of landline phones these days. Two questions: (1) don’t any of these people have any money? And (2) how did they get my name?

My guess is that they got my name from The American Gall Bladder Association, the Fraternal Order of Street Sweepers, or that one group that I gave to back in 1993. Is there such a thing as selling my phone number to Robo-Call International?

Well, I didn’t give any money to Mr. Trump, and I hope he’s not too disappointed. I do have some good news for him, though. I won’t be giving any to Hillary either.

The way I figure it, they should have known that it costs money to run for the presidency. Plus, all it would take for both of them is for Trump to sell a golf course or two and, for Hillary, just get Bill to give a few more of those million dollar speeches.

And, stop interrupting my nap! Or I won’t vote for either of you.