It all started with an apple

Published 4:59 pm Tuesday, February 23, 2016

You’ve probably heard that the FBI wants to take a bite out of Apple. The criminal investigative agency needs help with the Apple iPhone of the San Bernardino terrorists. I figure they will find some sort of compromise, but I thought it funny that the best minds of the FBI would be beholden to the “nerds” of Silicon Valley.

As I thought of the situation, I was sitting in the waiting room of a doctor’s office, minding my own business, when the man sitting right next to me took out his Apple iPhone and began a conversation.

“Hey, whacha doin?” he began. “This is Jack and I’m sitting in the doctor’s office.”

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I wasn’t the only person who could hear Jack. He spoke loudly enough that everyone who was sitting on that side of the office could hear. He didn’t seem to care.

“You hear about Nancy?” he said. “You won’t believe what she did.”

I don’t know Jack or Nancy, but the whole doctor’s office waiting room was about to hear what she did! And Jack was about to tell us all!

Right as I am interested in hearing about Nancy, another smart phone goes off with the tune to the game show Let’s Make a Deal.

“Yeah, the doctor is an hour behind and I’ve got to be at an important meeting in 30 minutes. What’s going on?” a person whose name I learned to be Alice said. “You’re kidding, she did that!”

I wondered if Alice was talking to someone who knew what Nancy had done. But the crux of the matter was that now I had two conversations to monitor and, while I can usually walk and chew gum at the same time, I hoped nobody else got a call. Both ears were engaged; one with Nancy and the other with Alice.

Meanwhile Jack raised his voice and I realized that I had missed a sentence or two.

“I would not be surprised,” Jack said to the other end of his Apple iPhone, “if Nancy has to go to court and even serve time. That’s a very, very serious offense.”

“Hey Jack, what did she do?” I wanted to ask, but didn’t. Maybe he will keep talking and I can figure it out.

A nurse opened the door and said, “Mr. Jack Landon.”

“I gotta go,” Jack said. “They’re calling me back, but can you believe it?”

Doggone it! I missed what Nancy did, but there’s still Alice.

“She’ll never live that down,” Alice laughs hysterically into the phone. “Where was she; was she drunk?”

The whole waiting room sat as if it had not heard a thing, but we all knew that Nancy did something bad and whoever Alice is talking about had embarrassed herself big time.

Another nurse opened the door and called, “Ms. Alice Dunham.”

Alice could hardly get up she was laughing so hard, but said to her caller, “Don’t you dare tell anybody else what she did. Talk to you later.”

It wasn’t fair. It was almost as silly as the joke about the person who goes into a bathroom stall and, in the stall next to him, someone says, “Hi, how’s it going?”

Not knowing who is in there, the person says, “Ok, I guess.”

The voice asks, “So, what are you doing?”

Feeling really weird the person answers, “Going to Colorado.”

Then comes this: “Look, I’ll call you back. Every time I ask a question, the idiot in the next stall keeps answering me.”

And to think, it all started with an apple!