All I want for Christmas

Published 5:47 pm Tuesday, December 2, 2014

The mall parking lot was full except for one handicapped parking space. The car zoomed into the space and a very healthy, but harried young man jumped out and began running toward the main entrance.
Mall security saw the obviously healthy man run toward the mall and yelled, “Mister, those parking spaces are limited and you don’t seem to be handicapped. I don’t want to have to give you a ticket.”
The young man simply looked over his shoulder and said, “I’ve got to see Santa Claus!”
The officer was reluctant to let him go, but thought “Oh well, it’s Christmas.” He let the guy go.
Once inside, the young man rushed to the Christmas village where Santa Claus was welcoming hundreds of little children. The line was long and wound amidst huge candy canes, toy trains running, and lots of Christmas trees with fake snow all over them.
The frantic young man had no time for lines. He went to the front of the queue and almost broke line. A young mother with her five year old daughter put the man on notice that there would be no breaking in line. “You’ll just have to wait like the rest of us and, by the way, aren’t you a little old for seeing Santa?”
“I’ve got to see Santa,” the young man pleaded. “I’m at my wit’s end and can’t wait. I’ll give you twenty dollars.”
The mother had no need for his twenty dollars, but seeing his condition, had compassion on the obviously bothered young man. She let him get in line to be next.
Santa Claus looked at the grown man and called him up. He didn’t know what to expect, but the young man plopped himself right in the lap of Santa. “I need your help Santa.”
“Ho, Ho, Ho,” the jolly man offered. “What can Santa bring you for Christmas?”
The crisis was evident and the young man could only say one strange word: “Tupperware.”
Santa was perplexed. “Do you need some Tupperware?” It was this year’s most unusual request.
The young man began to pour his heart out to Santa. “Santa, I need either more Tupperware bowls or I need a plumber!”
This was getting interesting, Santa thought. “Ho, Ho, Ho, you need more Tupperware bowls or a plumber. Is that what you want for Christmas?”
“Exactly!” the man on Santa’s lap acknowledged. “I’ve got three leaking faucets, one toilet that I tried to fix and a P Trap at the kitchen sink and all them are leaking so much water that I have had to use all my Tupperware bowls to put under them. I either need one of your plumbing elves to visit on Christmas Eve or I am going to have to get some more Tupperware.”
The young man had held nothing back. “I’m getting more and more confused as to where certain bowls are and a few have filled and run over. Santa, surely you have a plumber there at the North Pole.”
Santa Claus had to admit that he had never had such a request, but thought it was not all that bad. Perhaps he could help the man. Santa looked with kindness upon the young man and asked, “Is there anything else? How about a new, super-duper 48-inch television?”
The man jumped down from Santa and said, “No. If you can fix my faucets, that’ll be plenty. Oh, wait; I do have a hole in my roof!”

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