Is there any room for me on the bandwagon?

Published 12:09 am Wednesday, April 2, 2014

It used to be that if you wanted to go to a Major League baseball game, you would go to the stadium named for the team. That’s still the case with the New York Yankees. You go to Yankee Stadium. If you want to see the Los Angeles Dodgers, you go to Dodger Stadium.
In many cases, though, the stadiums have changed their names or new ones have been built and corporations have bought the “naming rights.” In New York, to see the Mets, you go to Citi Field, named after CitiBank. Many financial institutions have gotten on this bandwagon.
You see the Philadelphia Phillies at Citizens Bank Park or the Arizona Diamondbacks at Chase Field. Insurance companies have gotten into the act, too. The Texas Rangers play at Globe Life Park in Arlington. The Cleveland Indians play at Progressive Field and I would think that “Flo” would be the stadium announcer.
My favorite named stadium, recently torn down, was the home of the Minnesota Twins. Take a deep breath and pronounce their former home stadium. They played at Mall of America Stadium at Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome.
These corporations pay millions of dollars for these naming rights. The millions of dollars go directly to the bottom line of the team’s balance sheet. It’s a great way for the companies to get their name mentioned all the time and it’s nothing but profit for the owners.
Times are tough and, as the bills pour into the Roberts’ United States Postal Service mailbox, I am ready to jump on this bandwagon. Take note all you corporations out there. My pride in ownership has disappeared and I’m ready to assist my balance sheet and help you with your publicity, all at the same time.
For instance, I am proposing the following.
Donna Sue and I are willing to let go of our currently named address. For about $600 per month, we are willing to sell the naming rights to our address and tell people that we no longer live in the house at 1209 Loblolly Lane. Instead we are willing to call our house The Chase Financial Home House at 1209 Loblolly Lane in Bainbridge.
Actually, that’s the truth. It’s their house anyway and the only difference in this proposed change is that they will pay us instead of the other way around.
I am also not so proud as to act as if I am the owner of a car. Instead of driving what many people may think is my car, I am willing to allow all of you to say that Lynn Roberts drives the Honda Financial Services 2013 Honda Accord. Mr. Honda, all you have to do to secure that great privilege is to begin sending me about $350 per month (plus tag and other fees, of course).
My bottom line is feeling better already. I propose that I no longer pay for electricity. For about $150 per month, I am willing to sell the naming rights for electrical services to The Chase Financial Home at 1209 Loblolly Lane. It will not hurt my feelings for everyone to know that Georgia Power has the exclusive rights to the lights, heating and air, and all appliances.
Please folks, don’t go trying to steal my idea. There is just so much room on the bandwagon.