When underwear takes top billing

Published 2:42 pm Friday, February 11, 2011

We are about to celebrate the annual commemoration of affection between intimate companions.

Valentine’s Day.

Take your choice as to how you wish to show your affection—chocolate, flowers or underwear.

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At no other time of the year is underwear promoted as a love object. The skimpier the design, supposedly the hotter Monday evening’s events will be.

Need a hint?

Closely examine the advertising insert in Wednesday’s Post-Searchlight, the Belk Annual Valentine Sale, which in vivid detail displays lady’s intimate apparel in living color.

Why is that particular model holding a red heart, and why is she smirking? Pushing hot times on a dull night maybe? Hmmmmm.

Anyway, it’s a big day at least for chocolate and flowers, and don’t forget a card. No doubt our local florists will find joy in their big day of selling and delivering red roses and other assorted floral arrangements. We have no local chocolate shop, but get your best value at any drug store, supermarket or anywhere fine chocolates are sold.

Belk is holding its intimate underwear sale, but that may have to do since our town is without a Victoria’s Secret.

When it comes to underwear, the Valentine fashions go to the ladies. Guys really get excited upon opening a gift of white boxer shorts overflowing with imprinted red hearts. Those things really light a fire.

Doing some research for this week’s missive, unearthed was a seasonable quote by an unknown author—Love is like the measles; we all have to go through it.

Then, here’s another also by anonymous —I don’t understand why cupid was chosen to represent Valentine’s Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.

Historically, love between married folks was not a popular activity up until sometime during medieval times. Dads with daughters paired them with mates offering lucrative downpayments. Folks might have been married, but their intimate pastimes involved others, not necessarily a spouse.

It was the troubadours who first sang of romantic love, then along came Chaucer, who promoted courtly love in his writings. (Canterbury Tales).

In high medieval times, there were religious observances of Christian martyrs, one of which was Saint Valentine. It was Pope Galasius I in 500 AD who stopped the church services. How Christian martyr Saint Valentine and love came together remains for further historical investigation, is long and drawn out, and is extremely confusing, making little sense.

If you distain the store-bought Valentine card, but rather enjoy creating your own from a computer program, here are some lines for a verse you can use, author again unknown:

“You are such a tomato,

“will you peas me mine?

“You know how much I care,

“so lettuce get together,

“we’d make a perfect pear.

“Yes, something’s sure to turnip

“to prove you can’t be beet.

“So if you carrot for me,

“let’s let our tulips meet.

“I’ll cauliflower shop and say

“your dreams are parsley mine.

“I’ll work and share my celery,

“so be my Valentine.”

Give that to your intimate other, and be ready for a night of terrifying bliss.