OMG! No more texting in the car

Published 7:56 pm Friday, July 9, 2010

This time of year is referred to as “Dog Days.” That is because state government feels that in appreciation for your tax contributions, this is a great time to hound you with a bunch of new laws, regulations and similar irritations that usually become effective July 1.

Hence, Dog Days.

Perhaps the most noted change is the fact than in Georgia one can no longer text while driving, thus depriving us of a plethora of LOLs, OMGs and BTWs. Now, if we can just ban self-important yuppies from yakking on their cell phones in restaurants while I am trying to digest my lunch I would say we are truly making progress toward this being a better world. LOL.

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You will be pleased to know that Georgia isn’t the only state that loves to pass laws.

Minnesota, which is somewhere near the Arctic Circle, has a new law that prohibits minors from getting tattoos or pierced genitals, even with parental approval. Which brings up a question. Why would a parent ever approve their kid getting tattooed and pierced in places not appropriate for discussion in a family newspaper? I assume that is because they live in a place where it snows 10 months a year. It freezes your brain.

Not to be outdone by the Nanooks of the North, there is a possibility that Georgia may soon allow guns in church as a result of the recent Supreme Court decision to allow local control of gun laws. I am still researching the matter, but I have been told that Baptist will not let women carry guns, just men.

Somewhere in one of St. Paul’s letters to somebody, he states his disapproval of women being locked-and-loaded as well as wearing fancy clothes and braiding their hair. I am not sure where the actual reference is, but I am sure that before the sun sets someone will let me know.

I hope there is no truth to the rumor that Dr. Gil Watson, the World’s Greatest Preacher, is the one who has been encouraging pistol-packing preachers because he is about worn out trying to save my sorry soul and apologizing to his Baptist friends for my smart-alecky comments and plans to shoot me and be done with it. He has a lot of other souls to save, and I am taking up way too much of his time.

Alas, there is another matter that needs immediate action, but we can’t call the Legislature back in session because the members are preoccupied at the moment telling us how wonderful they are and begging us to send them back to Atlanta where they can pass more Dog Day laws.

It turns out that while the Board of Regents is investigating whether there are illegal aliens attending our state’s colleges and universities on our dime, there is an opening on the board since no one got around to approving Regent Fred Cooper’s reappointment. I hope that Gov. George E. Perdue will do the right thing and issue an executive order to place an illegal alien as regent to represent their interests. Fortunately, there are plenty of candidates from which to choose. If we run out, we can always request some spares from Arizona.

If that is too much trouble for our governor who is pretty busy these days stocking his concrete fish ponds, then I would suggest that he ask Regent Don Leeburn to change his name to Jose Jimenez and let him continue to run the board as he has been doing for years, except in Spanish.

I am grieved to say there is one critical issue that did not make its way into law on July —Rep. Bobby Franklin’s (R-Cobb County) quixotic quest to have red clay named Georgia’s official dirt. This is such a no-brainer I can’t imagine why it isn’t already on the books. You may be sure that if Rep. Franklin is willing to try again next year, he will have my full support.

After all, if we can’t pierce unmentionable places, at least let us celebrate our dirt. Isn’t that why we have Dog Days? LOL.