Archived Story

Holiday scenes and the alien?

Published 8:09am Tuesday, November 27, 2012

The holiday season started this past week and, with the early Thanksgiving, will seem about a week longer. It will be the same, though, in that it will be colorful, busy, and unlike any other five-week stretch of the year.

I was thinking. What if the proverbial alien from outer space landed in our country during the holiday season and saw all of what we do during this time of the year.

If he or she, or whatever an alien might look like, landed at our houses during the Thanksgiving meal, he might think, “Man, these folks really do eat well!”

Someone asked me, “Did you eat all you wanted?” I did not know how to answer. I know that I ate all that I needed. Let me put that another way. I ate a whole lot more than I needed. But, did I eat all that I wanted? No, I wanted to eat about four times as much, but thankfully, my stomach wouldn’t let me get to the “Plop, Plop, fizz, fizz … I can’t believe I ate the whole thing” place.

What if the alien did not land on Thursday, but his space ship landed in some mall or big-box store parking lot as Thursday turned into Friday. He would have seen crazed people all lined up at some silly time of the night. The alien might have radioed back to Mars.

“I don’t know what is going on down here, but these people are crushing each other, bumping and jostling. I can’t decide on their intentions. Some look mighty focused, some look mean and ready to run over their friends. Some look like it’s do or die. Let me ask?”

“Ma’am, what are all of you gathered in these crowded lines in the middle of the night for?”

“Get out of my way you funny looking bug! This ain’t Halloween; this is Black Friday. You’d better get your holidays straight!”

The alien returns to his spaceship and connects with his home planet. “This is madness. People keep yelling about cell phones with unlimited plans and 30 percent off something called LCD televisions. I’m going to leave this parking lot and hover above another area before somebody like me gets hurt. Call you later.”

The alien flew around a few hours until he noticed a round bowl full of people. There was a green spot in the middle that looked like a good landing place so he took the ship down. As he got closer, he saw some letters that he did not understand: Sanford Stadium.

“Space ship to home,” he said. “I am landing in an area where some people are painted black with red hair and they keep saying, ‘Go Dawgs.’ This is a weird planet. How do people hear anything? I am leaving for a quieter place.”

The alien spotted a white building with a sharp object on the roof. He landed safely and found just a few people there. They told him this was a church and he wondered, “Why don’t more people come here?”

Editor's Picks